Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
