I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this boner is exhausting
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
