you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
