I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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