i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
