3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...