you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there is glitter all over my balls
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