I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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