She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
