New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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