Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
