i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so let's talk penis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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