I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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