Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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