I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
