Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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