Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
