Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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(509): View more from Washington

Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.

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(813): View more from Florida

Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(973): View more from New Jersey

You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.

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(613): View more from Ontario

The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.

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(818): View more from California

Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.

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(254): View more from Texas

I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks

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