Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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