I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN