I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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