I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.