my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.