Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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