Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.