The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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