Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
