hotel room ftw
That's intense
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
