My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
