good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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