Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
