Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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