just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
