My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
