the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
