cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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