Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
