Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
