Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
