I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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