That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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