..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
