Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize