I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize