Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
