do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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