He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
