if i can run in heels then i can drive
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
