Your dad touched me again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
