yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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