fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
