so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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