So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
