i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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