Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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