yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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