cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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