I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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