I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
