Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
