I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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