a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
