Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
