don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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