I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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