Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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