Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
