I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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