I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
