Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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