Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
