i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize