Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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