Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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