dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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