we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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