so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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