yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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