Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
