sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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