grandma shit on top of the toilet
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
